Painting my nails or talking about makeup has really been feeling like a chore lately. Part of it's quite superficial-- I've got a lightbox en route to me that I can't wait to play with. Also, I can't seem to moisturize my cutes enough, despite having balm on me at all times, lol. Part of it's my own personal demons trying to get the best of me; the last few weeks have been a little difficult. Then this week rears its ugly head, and there's a big shooting in a mall my mom and I used to love to go to, and there's a bunch of stabbings at a school in China, and there's the unspeakable, unthinkable tragedy across the country from me, in Connecticut. The whole world's gone mad.
Painting my nails and talking about makeup feels so silly, unnatural, forced. I heard about Connecticut before my first break this morning. As each new shift came in, they'd say the same thing-- "Did you hear..." and throughout the day, we'd get updates from people and just close our eyes against it, try not to let it be real, and say how horrible, senseless, tragic. My facebook today has been filled with news clips and posts of my friends, family, and Castle Age gaming buddies trying to make sense of something that does nothing but shatter your heart. I put up a couple, myself, one about praying for my young nieces and nephews because this is the world they're being brought up in, and one celebrating a young man playing the violin outside the grocery store I frequent for lunch. Yesterday he made me smile; today he made me cry. Both days his music has been beautiful.
I don't deal well with this kind of thing. I bury my head in the sand, and I am lucky I have the luxury of doing that. After 9/11, I didn't open a magazine or read a newspaper for weeks. Today, I can't seem to open any of the links on my Yahoo home page and I hate to see it every time I open my browser. It makes me want to change my home page back to Yahoo Sports so I can be greeted with the frivolity of the Lakers' losing streak rather than the things that really sting.
But, they're here. Across the country there are families in pain I hope no one close to me ever has to experience. And whether or not you or I want it to, it puts things into perspective. My family is flawed, and infuriating at times, but they're here. They're alive. I get to spend Christmas with them. I get to.
I also get to make another batch of white chocolate fudge for my company Christmas party this weekend, because life goes on, and my boss likes my fudge. My lightbox should be arriving within the next couple days, and I'll redo my nails in the color I had on today and tell you all about it. My life gets to return to normal. The heaviness in my heart will subside and I'll get back to my routine, to fighting my familiar demons, to trying not to let family stress get to me. Yet it isn't the same. This holiday season has been peppered with darkness and there's a great shadow cast over it this year. But when life seems at its darkest, the Light shines all the brighter. I get to celebrate that Light and indeed it does take on a more poignant meaning this year. Celebrate your relationships, all of them. Savor your time with your family and friends. Love and be loved.
I leave you with a verse from my favorite Christmas carol, one that's appropriate all year around and deserves to be taken to heart. Let this be the season of Hope. God bless each and every one of you. <3
O Holy Night, the stars are brightly shining
It is the night of the dear Savior's birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining
Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of Hope
The weary world rejoices
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn
Fall on your knees
O hear the angel voices
O night divine
O night when Christ was born
O night divine
O night
O night divine
What an awesome post. I didn't watch much of the news either. It's hard to watch...my mind starts spinning and picturing myself and my kids in those situations. I am soooo sorry for all of these people and for everyone else who is suffering in this world. And you are right, it does make my feeling stressed about my blog and talking about the latest nail polish pretty insignificant and petty. We were going to a Christmas party at our friends' last night and I wondered if we should even go?! I felt selfish. Events like this really do put things into perspective. The little things we complain about seem so minor compared to what so many people are experiencing in their lives every day. I wish I could find a way remind myself of that each day and be thankful for what and who I have in my life. Perhaps these events will help all of us be better people and help us not take so many things for granted. Help us to not sweat the small stuff and be thankful for each day we are given. I sure hope you start feeling better about this fun little hobby we have. I was worried that I would read that you are quitting. That would be a huge loss for me. I have enjoyed getting to know you and I consider you my friend now. I know nail polish, cuticles, lighting, etc., seem very insignificant right now - but we are doing something that we enjoy and meeting awesome people along the way. Nail polish is what is bringing people together, and that's an awesome thing. Keep your chin up!
ReplyDeleteThis was one of the most beautiful, heartfelt, heart wrenching posts I have read in a very long time. I went home for lunch yesterday fully expecting to sit down and watch Y&R but instead sat watching the most horrific act of evil and bawled my entire lunch hour and throughout the day. It was gut wrenching! I'm filled with tears as I write this. My heart is so heavy. My sincerest and heartfelt prayers to the families that lost a child or loved one in this senseless, horrific tragedy.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure we all have our problems and situations with family even, but a horrific act like yesterday puts things in a totally different perspective. I'm grateful and thankful on this day for life and for the lives of everyone I love. Life is truly too short.
The verse from O Holy Night is so fitting amid all of this madness...praying for peace and hope.
Liesl, you have such a kind heart. I always feel like given the opportunity, you and I could be real life friends. Your post brought more tears. Yesterday was horrible for me, so I cannot begin to imagine how it was for those affected by loss of a loved one. I can't get it out of my mind and it's affecting my entire being. I've cried, been angry and honestly, I've been afraid. I don't know what our world is coming to, but I really dislike it. I used to just turn a blind eye to the bad things that happen in the world, but cannot do that any more. Maybe it's getting older, realizing my own mortality. I don't know. All I know is that I am praying for these people. And I'm praying for our world. Priorities. I am getting mine in line.
ReplyDeleteHi Liesl, I am living half way around the globe from you, but Fridays tragedy has left me, my family, friends, working colleagues paralyzed at heart and at a loss to express the horrors we felt upon seeing and hearing the news. This is one of those occasions I wish there would be a way to turn back time and change the course of events. My thoughts and my heart go out to all families so savagely destroyed.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this beautifully written post. The world today is a bad one and we see more of it than we use to due to social media coverage but there is still good out there. We just need to search a bit harder to find it. But when we do we should hold onto it and treasure it.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post. I'm sorry to hear that one of tragedies hit so close to you. There has been so much awfulness out there in the world recently, but that doesn't mean there isn't a lot of good either. And that's what we should take away from everything, is that in spite of these terrible things, in each case, heros rise out to do what they can to make the world a better place. <3
ReplyDelete~ Yun
Beautiful post, Liesl.
ReplyDelete